Chapter 5 – Handling Criticism – Notes from Pastor J

• The Dangers of Defensiveness

As you can read in the opening story, a defensive spirit can destroy a person and the ministry they’ve been given. No matter what the reason, whether it is pride, fear, insecurity or a dysfunctional upbringing, being defensive will alienate us from others, keep us from the truth, and keep us from improving in our gifting.  Defensiveness leads to bitterness and resentment toward others, and in turn stifles communication. When we’re defensive toward people all the time, they stop coming around because it’s uncomfortable. It also doesn’t allow other people to be truthful about us nor can we be truthful about ourselves. We end up running from our flaws, instead of facing them and growing from them. Therefore, the defensiveness keeps us from being all that God wants us to be. We never improve, because we never accept the truth and admit we have a fault!  Sometimes we get offended for no reason. We think someone has a problem with us or an attitude about us, when they really don’t. If we are having trouble with someone, ask them about it. Many times it’s not really a problem so be careful to not take offense when none was intended! 

• Keeping Up the Facade

We all need a big piece of humble pie to realize that we have faults and weaknesses. There is no such thing as the perfect Christian with the perfect Christian life. In fact, it’s really the opposite. The closer we get to the Lord the more we see how unworthy we are and how graceful God is. So be real and transparent with others. We don’t need to act like everything is great when it’s not, or act like we’re perfect. Our weakness reveals His strength. 

• Responding to Feedback

As an artist, we lay something out that is very personal for everyone else to see. Something that’s very subjective. Even when it’s great, some people won’t like it. So how do we handle the feedback and criticism? 

–Welcome feedback – Proverbs 1:7 says it’s foolish to refuse to listen to feedback. One of my favorite scriptures is Psalm 141:5. David said let the righteous strike me – I will receive it as kindness, let him rebuke me – it is oil on my head. It’s not only important to receive it, take it as a blessing! People wouldn’t give you honest feedback unless they really loved you. 

–Respond with grace – Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger (James 1:19). “If you are in the wrong you don’t have a defense. . . if you are right, you don’t need a defense” 

–Be Discerning – Look for the truth in any feedback. No matter how poorly or rude someone is or how wonderful they are, seek what the Lord wants you to learn from their feedback. Seek His guidance and He will show you the truth and give you wisdom. 

–Have a Teachable Spirit – Be willing to learn, change, and grow. Don’t be set in your ways. The Lord is the same yesterday, today, and forever, but thankfully we’re not! I don’t want to be the same tomorrow. I want to be better at what I do, closer to the Lord, etc. So, to be better tomorrow I have to change today and grow! 

–Learn How to Fail Graciously – Every successful artist has had a good dose of failure. Just because you fail at something it doesn’t mean you’re a failure. Learn from the mistake, make changes to prevent them from happening again and go on. Each one of us fell down when we were learning to walk and most of us still trip, stumble and fall even today. It’s embarrassing and even painful, but we don’t quit walking. Applying these suggestions to our life helps to make us easier to work with. When we can take feedback and suggestions from others without taking offense we’re better able to serve in the local church. We can put the needs of the church and others above our own feelings. Are you easy to work with? 

• Giving Feedback

Receiving feedback is difficult no matter how much we work on having a good attitude about it. So, how can we give feedback in a way that’s easier for others to receive? Here are some guidelines: 

–Give Your Overall Reaction First – Was the overall picture good or even great? Say so before you start picking at the smallest of flaws or talk about improving. 

–Say Something Positive – Don’t lie, be truthful, but find what is good, even if it’s something simple. 

–Acknowledge Effort and Hard Work – Encourage people by thanking them or acknowledging them for the time they have spent working on a project of on their talents. 

–Avoid Hyperbole and Negative Comparisons – Don’t over exaggerate the good or bad or cynically compare someone to a group or style that brings them down. Be truthful about your comments and realistic. Otherwise, we will seem to have a fake comment. 

–Forgive Those Who Have Hurt You – All of us have been hurt at one time or another. We can’t control what others do, but we can control how we will respond. When we allow a hurt to turn into resentment and bitterness it handicaps us spiritually. It’s all we can think about and dwell on. We try to “punish” the person by not forgiving them, but we only do more damage to ourselves. We must forgive even when we think we have the right not to, our spiritual health depends on it. 

–Are You Open to the Truth? – Everyone would say yes to that question, but we don’t act that way when we’re presented with a truth that might be a little painful. Being open to truth about your character or gifting is hard and it takes time to learn. Our natural tendency is to defend our position and rights, (even when we’re in sin!) but God has called us to be humble, honest, and open with others, ourselves and with God Himself.